I just tried IVF again and I had a "chemical loss".
Yet another close friend is pregnant with baby number two for as long as I have been trying to START my family! :( This makes six people in my life that have had or about to have their second child while I've been struggling, miscarrying, and losing my precious baby girls.
I spent time with my ill grandmother this weekend and she is experiencing unbearable pain from her most recent surgery. She cried a lot and wondered out loud what she had done to deserve her pain. While the rational part of my brain knows this is a terrible and untrue line of thought I find myself wondering the same thing. What have I done in my life to make this so hard?
I am beyond words or tears tonight. The hole in my heart is a big one. I am done with positivity and I don't want to hear one more person tell me that it will happen or that I am meant to be a mother. No one knows that to be true.
I can't take any more loss yet I have to keep trying.
Oh, Jen, I love you so much.
ReplyDeleteI'm so frustrated and mad at the world for you. It just isn't fair.
ReplyDeleteHi Jen,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog on the Sisterhood of Loss and have been following it. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet girls and your chemical pregnancy loss. I lost my son Daniel at 19 weeks this past May. It is so, so hard. I get what you are saying about people around you being pregnant and so easily expanding their families…..I am a teacher also and there are 4 other teachers in my school who just recently announced their pregnancies. It seems like every WEEK I was getting another email with an announcement or gender reveal. They just seem to be gliding right through their pregnancies without a care in the world and it bothers me a lot.
I pray that you will continue to heal with your angels watching over you and that you will soon have a healthy, living rainbow baby to bring you much happiness.