Tears

I was hoping a long nights sleep would ease me into Saturday and that my weekend would start off on a positive note. However this cloud of depression hanging over me is staying in place and the tears just keep coming. I visited the girls this afternoon and for the second time this week just sat there and cried. It's a beautiful day and right now I can't enjoy it. Instead I sat by the girls and wept that I would never enjoy a day like this with them. I felt this same way when I was at the shore the week following the girls' funeral. My husband and I had taken some time to be together and heal. An absolutely beautiful and warm day happened while we were there and we went for a walk on the boardwalk. It seemed like everyone had decided to take the day off and I was surrounded by Moms and babies in strollers. Halfway through the boardwalk it overwhelmed me and I had to walk off to the side and lean on the railing. My husband stood there with me and held me as I cried. I looked out on the ocean through my tears and my heart broke that I would never get to experience a beautiful day on the beach with my beautiful Mariah & Juliette. I was never going to see their reactions the first time their toes touched the sand or as the ocean lapped over their precious little feet. 

Days like today I look at the pictures of my girls and read my new favorite poems over and over. Words can never express my eternal gratitude to my sister who took pictures of my girls that I will cherish forever. The night I delivered Mariah & Juliette my sister captured their beautiful faces and tiny hands and toes. She also took many pictures of my husband and me holding our daughters. I treasure the one night I spent with my angels and I am incredibly lucky that my talented sister captured the brief time we spent together as a family here on earth.

There are so many touching poems that express grief as if it came from my own heart. Below are two of my very favorite poems I have found on many different sites.

A million times we've missed you

A million times we've cried

If love could have saved you

You would have never died

If we could have just one wish

A dream that could come true

We'd pray to God with all our hearts

For yesterday and YOU! 

They say there is a reason

They say that time will heal

But neither time nor reason

Will change the way I feel

For no one knows the heartache

That lies behind our smiles

No one knows how many times

We have broken down and cried

We want to tell you something

So there won't be any doubt

You're so wonderful to think of

But so hard to be without!