Last week and the weekend were pretty good for me. Not to say I didn't have some breakdowns - however, I was able to recover and still have decent days. Some of my dearest and closest friends came from great distances to visit over the weekend and they really lifted my spirits. They listened to me talk and looked through pictures of my girls. They also brought and planted two beautiful pink rose bushes in my backyard in remembrance of my girls. They made me feel loved and it felt good to share my experience with them. I count my blessings that I have such special friends that took time out of their busy lives to travel and be with me for a day.
Unfortunately, ever since my emotional break down on Monday I haven't been able to recover. My heart physically hurts. The weight of my sadness seems to be crushing me this week and I'm tired from the unending grief. It not only hurts my heart - it hurts my mind and my body. I want off of this roller coaster ride for a while. Last week I really felt like I had been moving forward and slowly inching up and having happy moments. I made it to the peak of the roller coaster when my friends were visiting. However it only took one small meeting at school to send me hurtling down the slope and now I can't find the energy to start traveling back up again. I'm tired and...
my heart hurts.
Hi Jen I saw you on the blog roll at small birds studio. I am so very sorry you had to say goodby to your sweet girls. I lost my sixth child Jonathan 1-24-12 at 20 weeks. It is a difficult path to be on. I have to say my heart breaks even more for mommies that have to say good bye to their first. I am saying a prayer for you now. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words and prayers! I'm so sorry about the loss of your little boy Jonathan. :( I am thinking of you as well and keeping you and your beautiful family in my prayers!!
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