I don't get to be a Mom. Not the kind of Mom I wanted to be. Even though my actual due date hasn't arrived, I probably would have had my girls by now. They should be here with me. In my arms. Crying. Smiling. Flailing. Grasping. Loving.
I shouldn't be sleeping in late this summer. I'm supposed to be exhausted because I am up all night feeding two little baby girls. I'm supposed to be changing a million diapers. I'm supposed to be happy. I am supposed to be over-the-moon happy. I'm supposed to be going crazy figuring out all their different cries. I'm supposed to be taking pictures of the girls and Daddy sleeping together. I'm supposed to be putting on cute little outfits only to have to change them due to spit up or other fun surprises. I'm supposed to be calling my Mom over every little worry. I'm supposed to be annoying people on Facebook with how many pictures I am posting of my girls. I'm supposed to have a messy house. I'm supposed to have visitors ooohing and ahhhing over my girls. I'm supposed to be begging my girls to sleep at the same time for at least a few hours. I'm supposed to hug... cuddle... snuggle and love on my girls morning, noon and night.
I don't get to be THAT kind of Mom.
Jenny, I don't know how I missed this. Am enjoying catching up on these posts even as they're heartbreaking to read. Sending you so mjuch warmth and love.
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